Expat Couple Career Conversations
How dual-career partners can thrive abroad
Juggling two international careers and a relationship is no small task. When we began our own expatriate life two decades ago, I figured it would somehow work itself out with time. Of course, life quickly taught me otherwise.
While none of us can fully anticipate the twists and turns of global mobility, my personal experience, clinical work, and research have underscored just how important open, ongoing conversations are for dual-career couples navigating these transitions.
Get the conversation started!
Start early (or now). Revisit often. Be honest.
Life as a series of transitions
Jennifer Petriglieri (2019), in Couples That Work: How Dual-Career Couples Can Thrive in Love and Work, highlights the importance of taking a lifespan perspective when considering dual-career expatriation. Her research identifies three predictable stages that often shape a couple’s evolving career and relational landscape:
Stage one begins as couples shift from “me” to “we,” asking: How can we make this work?
Stage two, often mid-career and mid-life, finds couples balancing caregiving demands, professional growth, and personal priorities while asking: What do we really want?
Stage three emerges as couples approach retirement, manage changing health and family dynamics, and reflect on the question: Who are we now?
With these stages in mind, how might you envision your shared career path? What choice points lie ahead? Are there unresolved moments from earlier stages that might still need attention?
Thinking in transitions reminds us: these conversations are not one-time decisions. They evolve with us.
2. How couples structure their careers abroad
In globally mobile couples, careers rarely move in perfect tandem. Most couples find themselves navigating one of a few common patterns—and recognizing which path you’re on can make sense of both the opportunities and the strains you may feel along the way.
Lead–Follow: One career takes priority abroad, while the other adapts. This can bring stability but also hidden costs for the accompanying partner.
Alternating Lead: Some couples take turns, one career leading in one location and the other in the next. While more balanced over time, each switch still brings its own sacrifices and identity shifts.
Dual-Lead: In fewer cases, both partners sustain strong careers abroad. This can feel rewarding but often requires constant negotiation. As Petriglieri’s research shows, the key here is whether both partners feel supported as a secure basefor each other—able to pursue ambitions without fear of neglecting the relationship.
3. Be deliberate about roles & responsibilities
When juggling two careers—particularly two internationally mobile ones—clarity matters. Making your decisions explicit helps prevent misunderstandings and unspoken expectations.
Have you discussed how you will balance your professional paths?
Will one career take priority, or will you alternate?
How do your career roles intersect with family responsibilities?
How will you revisit and renegotiate these decisions as circumstances change?
Have you openly explored financial needs, values, and your willingness to outsource tasks to protect time and wellbeing?
Petriglieri’s work highlights how unspoken role assumptions, financial pressures, and traditional gender expectations often create stress points for couples. In my clinical experience, these traps may not always cause immediate tension—but can quietly build over time if left unexamined.
4. Be vulnerable
This includes your hopes, your fears, your boundaries, and your dreams.
It can feel vulnerable to slow down and have these conversations. But when left unspoken, decisions made quickly—or sacrifices made quietly—can later surface as regret or resentment. One partner’s opportunities should not come at the silent cost of the other’s wellbeing.
Be honest with yourself: Is this truly your shared adventure? Are you saying yes out of excitement, obligation, or quiet pressure? Acknowledging differences in enthusiasm, concerns, or personal sacrifices doesn’t mean you can’t move forward together—but failing to name them can strain the relationship over time.
When these sacrifices and pressures go unspoken, they don’t just disappear—they can leave lasting marks on the relationship. In my next blog, we’ll look at how these hidden hurts, sometimes called emotional injuries, show up for expat couples and how therapy can help repair them.
It’s never too late to start the conversation
If you would like support as you navigate your dual-career expatriate journey, reach out. These conversations aren’t always easy—and you don’t have to face them alone.
